How Will I Know? Part 1

I was recently invited to speak at the singles ministry of the Rock Church here in sunny San Diego.  They have an amazing group of men and women who are diligently following Gods design for this chapter of their relational journey. It’s an honor to see them pressing on to become  more of who they were truly meant to be.

How Will I Know?

In developing the topic and content for my appearance, we landed on the idea of “How Will I Know When I’m Ready For A Relationship?”

This was a deep question that was on my own mind years ago when I re-entered the dating pool.

Am I ready to date again?                              Have I done enough work on myself?

I want to be sure this time!                          I don’t want to make another mess!

I had taken over 2 ½ years off from dating and really just worked on myself.  And the truth was- I needed to!  After a divorce and a string of failed relationships, the best thing I could’ve possibly done was to embrace a Season Of Singlehood and figure things out.

So, before we move forward, let’s answer the question of “How Will I Know When I’m Ready For A Relationship?”

You Won’t!

The honest answer is…….. you won’t.  You’ll never know if you’re ready for a relationship until you get into one.

You can do the work, grow closer to God, develop a community, and all the other things I advise people to do.  But even with all that growth and preparation- you’ll still be tested, there will still be challenges.

Even with all the classes I took, books I read, seminars and sermons I attended, I was still tested when I started dating again.

Stretch, Grow, Become!

If it’s true that we won’t really know until we get into a relationship, what can we do to be prepared as possible?

One of the main points of struggle I see most often in coaching singles is their ability to stand in their truth and speak their truth.  Please read that again- It’s important.


Question:  What do we regret most in life: the things we said, or the things we didn’t say?

Overwhelmingly, people reply it’s the things they didn’t say that creates the most regret.  We all have a story of regret when we knew we should have said something- or said something sooner.

We felt a feeling, we experienced a prompting– but the words never saw daylight.  “I know I need to talk about this”, you said to yourself, “but I feel afraid!”


Question:  Where does this prompting, this feeling, start?

People unanimously declare that it originates somewhere in their core.  Whether the chest or the stomach- it’s in our coreThe very core of our being is sending a message! 

That message then starts working its way to our vocal chords.  It wants a voice!

At that precise moment of time our destinies are shaped, for we are presented with a powerful choice:  Stuff it or Speak it.


Question:  Does stuffing it work?  Has it ever “worked”?  Or does it just prolong the inevitable- and in the meantime- allow the problem to gain more power?

I’ll release Part 2 within the next week.  Until then, try to be more conscious of this feeling in your coreWhat does it want to say?  Grab your journal and get to work!

The Circle of Love Coaching Programs:  Single & Searching seminar is just around the corner.  If you’re single and would like to learn how to navigate the often choppy waters of the dating pool, then this seminar is for YOU!

Change isn’t easy.  If it was, everyone would be living the dream.  Having a coach who takes people from where they are to where they want to be makes all the difference.  Call me today to learn more.

Copyright  ©  2013  Scott Milnes  All Rights Reserved


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