How Will I Know? Part 2: Tell The Truth

Just the other week, my wife and I were out with a bunch of people for a friend’s birthday party.  The restaurant we went to, was shall we say, more known for entertainment than food.  I played it safe and ordered a burger.

However (you saw this coming didn’t you) when I bit into it, it was barely edible.  I’m tellin’ ya- it was funky!  So, at that point I had a choice:  I could give my feelings a voice- or stuff it.

I could be honest about the situation- or deny my truth.

Guess what I did?

That’s right- I quietly found the waiter as I was returning from the restroom, explained the situation, and he graciously removed it from our bill.

In Part 1 of “How Will I Know If I’m Ready For A Relationship?”, I raised the concept that one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself- and your partner- is the ability to speak your truth.

In addition, we established some key agreements.

They are:

  • We experience feelings for a reason- they are here to teach us something.


  • These feelings are requesting a voice.


  • Stuffing, hiding, and repressing these feelings never works.


So, where does that leave us?  Well, the truth of the matter is there is only one sane choice:  We have to speak.

Question:  What’s at risk if we speak our truth and give our feelings a voice?

Well, a couple things could happen.

One, the recipient of our truth could scoff, reject, deny, or even attack our stated request.

And whereas this might feel like a “bad” thing in the moment, in reality it’s a blessing.

You see, we learn a lot about people when they don’t get what they want.  How do they respond?  Pay attention, because we generally learn more about people through their behavior than their words.

Speaking our truth and giving our feelings a voice is the ultimate litmus test.  For in sharing the core of who we are, we get to see in real time, how they handle our authentic self.

However, there is another potential outcome of speaking our truth.

When we are honest with ourselves and speak the truth about our feelings, we give the relationship the opportunity to deepen.

The other person could welcome our position and meet us with love, support, patience, and nurturance, and thus allowing the relationship to progress.

Stretch, Grow, Become!

The truth is, we cannot choose whether or not to share our voice.  No, we have to share- we have to speak.

Why? Because we know in the center of our being that if we’re ever to have an authentic relationship with this other person, we have to feel secure enough to be ourselves, to be open, and to speak our truth.

So, as I think you’ll agree, we have a moral, spiritual, and relational obligation to stand in our truth and speak it.

There is no other way.  To deny this basic human drive- the need to be seen, felt, and heard- is to shut off the very part of ourselves that makes true intimacy possible.  Please read that again- it’s important.

My encouragement for you is that the next time you experience a feeling and a prompting to speak, you will.

You’ll face your fears knowing that deeper relationships are on the other side of that fear.

Also, be mindful the next time someone shares their truth with you.  Be mindful and hold their truth with trust and respect- and then get ready to watch that relationship grow!

The Circle of Love Coaching Programs:  The Art of Finding and Keeping True Love  is just around the corner.  If you’re single and would like to learn how to navigate the often choppy waters of the dating pool, then this seminar is for YOU!

Change isn’t easy.  If it was, everyone would be living the dream.  Having a coach who takes people from where they are to where they want to be makes all the difference.  Call me today to learn more.

Copyright  ©  2013  Scott Milnes  All Rights Reserved


One Response to “How Will I Know? Part 2: Tell The Truth”

  1. Lisa Strickland

    I could be flippant and say that people from the East Coast (like me) have no qualms about speaking up. And although I know that to be true, I wanted to applaud you for such a well-crafted piece.
    You bring up two points that I believe are especially important:
    -If we speak the truth, we give the relationship the opportunity to deepen
    -We have an obligation to be straightforward with one another
    Thanks for posting – it was a good read.


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