Who Is The Enemy? Part 2: Your Ego Is Not Your Amigo
A while back, I wrote an article entitled Who Is The Enemy?. And even before I wrote the first sentence, I knew there would be a sequel.
Sure, we all have external “enemies”- forces or people that seek to do us harm.
But if we’re honest, I think we would all agree that we also have…. “an enemy within”.
To begin with, let’s try to define “the enemy within”. I’ll offer several ideas here. Take your time, because I believe it’s important to find one that resonates with you.
The EGO. Often broken down as Edge… God… Out. Selfish, self-centered.
The Wounded Ego. It’s been hurt, and seeks retribution at undesirable times, from unlikely people.
The Internal Saboteur. This mind structure tries to talk us out of anything that seems or feels “different”. Its mission is the maintenance of the status quo, or worse- regression.
A Romantic Evening…With Your Ego
For example, let’s say you and your significant other have plans for a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant. You check the time and discover they’re now 15 minutes late, and haven’t called to notify you.
Question: Where does your mind go? Love…..or fear?
Is it replaying tapes of people who have abandoned you, disrespected your time, or abused you in some fashion? Is your mind saying things like:
They don’t care about me! They don’t care about anyone but themselves!
They don’t respect me enough to call! How rude!
I wonder if they’re doing something behind my back?
And then, believing these thoughts (which probably aren’t true), how do you react when they arrive at your door? Poorly. In fact, you’ll probably derail the whole evening.
Let’s take a look at another scenario, one where you are thinking positive, loving thoughts. Such as:
They must be working late and just forgot to call- they’re probably under a lot of stress….
Maybe they lost their cell phone…
Maybe the phone battery died and they forgot to bring the charger….
In this state of mind, your behavior will be completely different- and so will the outcome of your entire evening! It’s all about focus, and making a conscious choice about our thoughts. The Bible has something to share about this as well.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Stretch, Grow, Become!
At the beginning, middle, and end of the day- it’s all about love.
We’re either coming from a place of love (forgiveness, acceptance, grace, and gratitude) or we’re operating from a place of fear (judgment, victim, anger, reactivity, and attachment to an outcome).
We have to retrain our brains, and create updated neural pathways that match up with the reality of who we are now– not the earlier version of ourselves that may have endured the mistreatments of life.
The Past Bleeding Into The Present
I remember back when my wife and I had just started dating. There were times when I could feel myself being influenced (not by her- but by my past) to not be true to my current self.
It was in those very moments where I absolutely had to capture those thoughts and examine them (Please check out that link– it contains more answers on how to execute what I’m describing in this article)
Were my thoughts and feelings real?
Where did they come from?
And most importantly of all, WHEN did they come from?
Don’t Let Your Past Determine Your Future
Truth is, before her I had been in a volatile relationship where it wasn’t exactly safe to be myself. And so I had to recondition myself to make sure she didn’t “pay” for any offenses committed by my ex.
In reality, my wife is the sweetest, most loving, selfless, caring person I’ve ever met.
She is who she is, and she is not my ex.
She is my present and not my past.
It’s my job to stand guard at the gate of my mind and make sure all my behaviors come from a place of love. And that, my friends is a daily practice.
So, how about you? In what ways are you shifting from being your own worst enemy, to being your own best friend?
In what ways are you doing something for yourself, instead of to yourself?
Take care and I look forward to your thoughts!
Change isn’t easy. If it was, everyone would be living the dream. Having a coach who takes people from where they are to where they want to be makes all the difference. Call me today to learn more.
Copyright © 2014 Scott Milnes All Rights Reserved
Leave a Reply